I wake up nowadays with this eagerness. This Man.. My Man… My, oh, my…. It’s a new phase of our love that seems unpenetrable. By ourselves and, by others. There hasn’t been this desire for one another in some time. Our only desire is to make one another happy. With gentleness, communication and, flexibility … a new and positive mindset is among the entire family. We are striving to be more patient with one another, with the babies and, with the teenager. J is even being more open to our family cat! (Which is a big deal because he is allergic to cat hair)
Inwardly, I wouldn’t call it a fear but, a foreboding about setting us back. I have my moments of one tracked mind outbursts. I know that it stems from my bipolar disorder but, I refuse to acknowledge this mental disorder for more than just a short fuse that I have to learn to work through. All of the remedies that I’ve tried, either make me so fucking spaced out that I’m drooling or, they dilate my eyes so badly that it feels like 90’s ecstasy all over again.. nothing that you want to try making a home on. Of course, this is ME and, my own personal experiences.
So, just comprehending that there is a problem and, trying to embrace it instead, of making excuses is my way of processing my own life and, taking it all one moment at a time. Just adjusting my mindset to the idea that my tribe is my shield and, that they will never abandon me, is the mental adjustment that was needed. These five humans are my world. My very reason to see it through and carry on. To perseverate in bliss during our day to day routines without, making my clan feel like they’re walking on eggshells with my fucking derangement! bahahaa…
It can seem staggering for one person to mode but, my course is so gratifying… This journey with these people; the impact that these souls have on my very being… all of it gives me the energy that I need to overcome and conquer this mental turmoil.
When you promote patience and appreciation, you get it in return. That old saying,” What goes around, comes around” It’s real talk. Truth. Don’t go through your life expecting others to tolerate any mishandling. Cherish what God has given you. All of it is so precious. So invaluable… Don’t treat them as if they’re cheap. Don’t wake up pondering regrets…
Since our reconciliation, I hug him tighter and kiss him longer. Tomorrow isn’t promised. We tend to forget that in the grind of the day. Ongoing, I vow to bear in mind, the influence that I have on others.
The chemistry between me and J has been sublime! Waking up grateful and content, having the privilege to make coffee and enjoy each others time, getting the kids up and ready for school without disarray…
Fucking attentively and then, holding one another so closely that, we’ve practically become braided!
… All of it is so good. Thank You, God. Thank you.
Until tomorrow, encourager!